Whenever I’m on break from college my head is so much clear.

Maybe it’s from the little amount I need to think about matters other than what I want to. No time spent trying to retain information that I don’t care about for the sake of getting a letter on my transcript. Or time spend doing things I feel obligated to do so that I keep at pace with what I think is expected of me in my social life and career path.

Or maybe it’s from the 12-hour sleep schedule I get accustomed to. When looking out the window when I awake the sun shining in its full glory instead of the dark morning sky. And it’s acceptable to stay in my pajamas all day without shame.

Nonetheless, I’ve come to learn that I don’t like to do things that I feel forced to do. I will do something with every cell in my body on board if it’s something I want to do. But if I feel like it’s an obligation or expected, then I approach it with a mixture of haste and dread.

Don’t get me wrong, going to college has been one of the most rewarding learning experiences and I will be forever grateful to my parents for providing me with the ability to receive higher education.

However, sometimes it just feels pointless to me. Studying a topic I have no interest in and that knowledge taking up space that could’ve been left for the things I love to spend time on. Rushing to pack as many social events into one weekend as possible like there’s a scarcity of time to have fun with people during the week. All the while the world remains to change at a pace quicker than ever.

This past semester I had the mentality that college was completely pointless for me. Thoughts from above kept repeating in my head and made me quietly lose patience with where I was because it had nothing to do with what I see myself doing in the future.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. I can choose to instead look at this with optimism and the faith that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

And that’s the realization that I came to after many battles in my head. That it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Balance can be found between the two sides.

That’s why I started this website and created a new account on Instagram. To have an outlet to creatively express myself and build on so that I can create my own career and one day be my own boss. To choose life from a space of freedom that I have to learn how to do along the way than one that’s a reflection of everything I already know how to do.

Even though I have no clue where this will take me down the road what I do know to be true is that I would be kicking myself later if I didn’t give it a try. And I’m okay with not knowing.

Here’s to growth over comfort, and freedom over settling.

💘 Hanna