“Maddy knew who she was from a very young age.”

1. Make my siblings pay me $10 each to read my copy of The Hunger Games. I’ve been hustling since I’ve been out of the womb. It’s just part of my nature.

Speaking of hustling…

2. Hustle my grandma to buy me a bikini because I didn’t have enough money.

And it worked.

3. Pull up to rehearsals for my role of Mary in my preschool’s Christmas play in my mom’s pink Chanel sunglasses. The people had to know I meant business and wasn’t there to mess around.

4. Break up with my 5th-grade boyfriend via a YouTube video I made while wearing red lipstick and blasted Taylor Swift’s “Teardrops on My Guitar” in the background. Sadly I deleted every piece of evidence connected to this undertaking so I wouldn’t get in trouble with my parents.

5. Intentionally rip my two front baby teeth out with a balloon string. I don’t know what was going through my head when I decided to do so, but I have a feeling it had to do with wanting my adult teeth to grow in. Sadly that didn’t end up happening for another 2-3 years. Nonetheless, I’m proud of my younger self for fully committing to the bit and going after what she wanted, no matter how painful it probably felt.

6. Ram into a mailbox face-first the moment the training wheels were taken off of my bike. Mr. and Mrs. Dempsey, even though this is about 15 years late, I am sincerely sorry for any dents I made to your mailbox as a result.

7. Going absolutely feral for my five-year-old birthday celebration. I remember this so vividly it feels like yesterday. It was just my dad and me on a daddy-daughter date to the Buckhead Diner and we had the time of our lives. We were straight vibing, just dancing in our booth seats and having a full-blown photo shoot. I ordered a Shirley Temple and Ceaser salad and felt so old to be turning five.

8. Wear this dress until it turned to literal shreds. I would put this on the moment I woke up and would have to be forced out of it to change into my pj’s. All I wanted in my younger years was to grow up and be a Disney princess. The obsession first started with Belle (obviously), transferred to the Toy Story realm with Cowgirl Jesse, and then relapsed and went to Aurora from Sleeping Beauty.

9. Piss my pants going down the Leap of Faith. If you know me, you know how afraid I am of swimming in the ocean because of sharks. With that information in mind, I was SO SCARED to go down that waterslide, which has sharks swimming in the water at the bottom of the ‘temple.’ I was terrified that I would be the one person to somehow fall off the side of the waterslide or somehow get eaten by a shark in the process. Overthinking got the best of me. When it got to be my turn, I was seconds away from turning around and doing the walk of shame back downstairs, but then the crowd started getting angry and people were yelling “JUST GO ALREADY!” The people pleaser in me couldn’t face the shame of letting them down, so I took a deep breath, shed a tear, and blacked out while going towards my biggest fear.

10. Show up to Christmas dinner circa 2005 like it was the Met Gala. I already know that I saw that outfit at Toys R Us and thought that it would be perfect for Christmas dinner from the bedazzled snowflakes and jewel-toned blue, all the way down to the cape and hand puff. I guess it’s also always been in my nature to plan outfits in advance and center them around an event.

💘 Hanna